Posted on by MAS

Seconds Out: Orange Crush

More from my cabinet of horological wonders. Now delving into my (so-called) cancer watches. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer six years ago I did what any normally paranoid person would do: I segregated myself from all of the talismanic objects I could. My t-shirts (how I initially figured out there was a problem in the first place) got put in a bag inside a box and then hidden in a case. All my watches and pens went into hiding …


From that point I decided to get all NEW watches and pens. These would be the ones that I used to see myself through. I bought the first cancer watch the same day as my diagnosis. A black Casio G-Shock… tough enough to be driven over with a tank – surely it can beat cancer. Also, as it is a “Tough Solar” model I see it as being something of an immortal watch. Handy when you’re looking for inspiration to not die.

I bought a box of Uniball pens that I used to take notes and write letters.

… and then there was Orange Nasty. Seiko SKX011-J (J stands for ‘made in Japan’/K stands for made in (Korea????) no: made anyplace OTHER than Japan!).

(Please note the twist-o-flex bracelet that allows me to remove it quickly when I need to do something that doesn’t require the involvement of a watch like chopping mushrooms (for eating).)

It seems like every time I get bored I buy an SKX011-J (actually more like an SKX… the color variants don’t matter. They are the first watch that pop into my head to do stupid stunts with. [Like the time I bought an SXK009-J, 15 min before leaving to go to Vietnam… and had it shipped to my hotel at the beach to see if and or how long it would take to get there. Apparently guaranteed next-day service still means NEXT DAY – even in the world of bored stupid stunts….]

… anyway. I get bored and I buy a watch. I wear it until I’m not bored anymore and then I give them to friends. The first Orange Nasty was purchased while recuperating from my bilateral mastectomy. The operation was a piece of cake! The post-op was a piece of cake. Not being able to move my arms for a week: THAT was tough… spending a month with drainage bulbs – also not very much fun. Going to the hospitals to have swollen effusions drained with a syringe that looked like a ‘Three Stooges’ prop – also not a highlight. Spending every second of the day looking over my shoulder wondering when doom was about to punch me in the face again – 👎 I do not recommend.

Deflect! Deflect! Deflect!

Here comes the FedEx driver with my box. In it was the first Orange Nasty. I wore it until I felt well enough to go home. Then I gave it to the first person to comment on it.

In 2020 I was kind of trapped for a few months (10 1/2 … but who is counting?) so I bought THIS Orange Nasty… same spec. SXK011-J… same seller, in Singapore.

A friend saw a picture of it and commented on it. Seeing as I wasn’t there to give them the watch I did the next best thing; I sent one.

Question: Do you even really “like” watches?

Answer: No – not really. They aggravate me. Mechanical watches are like needy personalities – always calling out for my attention. Asking to be wound. Asking to be worn. Asking for me to charge up the lume pips and then admire them glowing in the dark. “We’ll tell you what time it is when you wake up to pee!”

You’ll keep me awake thinking about all the time that’s ever elapsed and all the time that has yet to come and that will frustrate me even further.

Question: If you don’t like them – why buy so many?

Answer: D’uh – because I’m an addict! Because I’m serially bored and looking for that illusive “simple prop to occupy my mind”. Fortunately I have developed Fatalistic Yoga to clear my mind – it’s way way cheaper too! I’m not nearly as bankrupt as I used to be (fiscally or spiritually).

Posted on by MAS

“The Game Never Ends when your whole world depends on The Turn Of A Friendly Card.”

My name is Rob Banks and I’m addicted to Freecell.

My addiction started 25 years ago when I started working afternoons in a of “so called” pricing specialists; we would pull down all of the end of day holdings for a group of institutional funds and then go about getting prices for all their stocks, bonds, options, futures and credit derivatives. As the Windows 95 based machines would do their work, we would actually sit there and play games.

It started with Minesweeper … the thrill of evading death with every click was just the kind of adrenaline boost we needed to get through the afternoon.

After we were done for the day we’d need to come down. That involved Solitaire. After a while it was too simple, too linear. That’s when someone introduced me to Freecell. There was something about Freecell that appealed to me in a big, big way. It had a relaxing effect, like Solitaire… but there was a component of struggle to it that I also really enjoyed.

In 1997 I took a job writing business plans and doing financial projections for entrepreneurs – that was a Mac based environment.

I went back to jobs in Windows based environments in 1998/1999/2000. The games were locked.

Then another string of Mac based roles in 2000-2004 meant that I was free from playing the game for a long enough period of time to think I was truly past it.

Like all addicts I would get triggered to look for it from time to time… stress at work… environments where people were screaming and swearing at me…or even just times when I wanted to mindlessly struggle against the cruelty of fate. I never indulged though, I would only think about it.

“The Waiting Place” in my Doctor’s office



Fast forward to 2015: I was in my doctor’s office being dealt ANOTHER form of struggle against the cruel hand of fate … I was BRCA 2 positive and had developed at DCIS.

I went home. I went straight to the App Store and looked for it. There it was! I could keep it on my phone and I could play anytime I wanted!

Every game was a chance to write the letters of my destiny on those cards and see if I could defeat destiny. “If I win THIS game something GOOD will happen to me today. If I lose, well… we know the spectrum of outcomes.“

***

When I got my all clear from my surgeon and oncologist I swore that I would not link my destiny to the turn of 52 cards.

…yeah right!

Not only did I continue to play – I reset my game and vowed never to lose again!

As you can see, at the 2,005 moves end of the spectrum there have been some nasty, nasty, nasty (sometimes month-long) struggles.

Only 832 times was I able to win without an undo.

But I have NEVER used a “Hint”. And because you can’t get out of a game to identify which deal number it is without losing, I’ve never been able to find a solution to any game I was in.

That’s approximately 348,000 moves that I made to cheat destiny.

I know that there are supposedly a collection of futile deals in the game – they say they can’t be beaten. Ever single time I hit the “Random Deal” button I know that there’s a chance I’ll get one of those 8 tragic hands out of 52 factorial (that’s a big, big, big number!)…

I’ll make concessions for those games when they come.

Posted on by MAS

You keep me under your spell…

I don’t eat
I don’t sleep

I do nothing but think of you….

One time my oncologist slapped me in the face. If it weren’t such a horrifying moment in time I’d have found it more hysterical. I lost my composure and he full-on slapped me in the face! (The only people who had ever slapped me like that were my father and my priest – and in both instances I’m sure I deserved it!)

He said he was tired of listening to me whine… I hope he was a bit more forgiving to his other patients.