I’m something of a huge fraud. Not just because I spent a large chunk of my life as a fictional character: “Rob Banks”

No. The reason I’m a fraud is because most of the people I interact with think I’m things that I’m not. They think I’m intelligent; I’ve been electrocuted twice. REPHRASE: I electrocuted myself twice.

People think I’m ‘together’… but that’s only because I don’t panic openly nor at the first hint of trouble. The truth is that my blood pressure is so high (how high is it???? (My blood pressure is so high it would kill a giraffe! 🦒)) that I have to actively calm myself down almost constantly otherwise I would surely have had a stroke by now.

People also think I’m successful – probably because I collect a lot of different things. (Funny – no one EVER comments on my collection of yo-yo’s 🪀!)

The grim truth is that I’ve never actually been successful in business. I’ve made a lot of stylish and costly mistakes. I’ve written a lot of “F U” letters to people that came back to bite me on the a$$. I’ve been caught playing checkers at a chess match with money… No lie; I was very good at what I did when I was working – but that was always because I had my private parts in a vise and the handle was making a quarter-turn every half-hour. The only thing I’ve ever been successful at was meeting, falling in love with and marrying the woman of my dreams (by the way, my dearly departed friend introduced me to my wife. So I owe him for that as well.) My marriage, my children and their uniquely twisted natures (the kids, the marriage is traditional in every sense) are the only things I can point to that I have been an active participant in that I feel proud of.

UNTIL TODAY!

Today I was notified that To The Spanner Born (and by proxy Fatalistic Yoga) has/have 50 followers! That means that there are 50 really cool people out there who actually (dare I say) LIKE what I do.

I’d like to take this time to thank each and every one of you… which I could do because there are only 50 of you! And let you all know that you’ve made a HAPPY man very OLD!