I love reading stories about how cereal murderers and rapists get to live into the late innings of life without so much as tooth decay.
Meanwhile the rest of us (who am I kidding? I get ONE viewer! (Me)) are dodging cancer, heart disease, dyspepsia and taxation!
Perhaps I need to do something heinous (like these posts?). NOOOO! REALLY UGLY (yeah – like these posts!) so that I can get sent to an immortality clinic – rather – penitentiary!
I try to tell my wife that this is real work and that she’s can’t cope with the fact that I’m my own boss! (The downside to being your own boss is (in my case) working for a moron.)
I wonder if candles ever think “geez – I wish I’d been born one of those fancy candles that people get and never use… just put in the corner of a room to look sophisticated”.
Instead, some of us are born as candles that get shipped to hotels and restaurants for daily use. Sad.
Worse – imagine being born a birthday candle. Used once for just a few seconds and then pitched in the rubbish. Very sad.
Don’t mind me… my mind has a tendency to
…. yes. Yes it does.
I don’t eat
I don’t sleep
I do nothing but think of you….
One time my oncologist slapped me in the face. If it weren’t such a horrifying moment in time I’d have found it more hysterical. I lost my composure and he full-on slapped me in the face! (The only people who had ever slapped me like that were my father and my priest – and in both instances I’m sure I deserved it!)
He said he was tired of listening to me whine… I hope he was a bit more forgiving to his other patients.
I spell it FATALISTIC YOGA… my moral authority to make fun of everything in the universe (and considering that my firm belief is that I’m the only person in the universe and everyone else is a crazy idea in my head – that means ME.)
Sorry, I initially forgot to say something witty about this.
First and foremost, the guy with the backpack is me. Proud to get everything I need for a flight (1 hour or 18 hours) in a backpack. Sadly, I don’t focus to much of my effort on getting “ME” into one seat on a plane. I kind of take up one and a bit seats. That’s ok when I’m flying with my family – I can just invade my son’s seat a bit. When the person next to me isn’t a relative it isn’t much fun.
I knew a guy who did that (French kiss a dog) … gross.
One time about 40 years ago my mother asked my father for a fur coat. He didn’t miss a beat and said “NO!”
My mom asked why he said no so quickly. His response: “you’re too short! If someone sees you walking around in a coat like that they’ll think you’re a badger and call the animal rescue people to catch you!”
Dad had a peculiar sense of humor and he was as quick as a fencer when defending his wallet!
I wonder if it really will be this bad when we have interplanetary friends
Didn’t we just land on Mars?
A friend asked me why we invest so much time and effort into going to other planets. I suggested that he look at the dismal mess we have turned THIS planet into and tell me how HE plans to fix it.
My friend, a Kung Fu master (no – really – he’s a legit Shaolin master!) asked how going to another planet will fix this one. “It won’t” I said, “but it will buy us more time and give us more lands to pollute.”
He didn’t laugh.
I wasn’t joking.
Everyday I watch my poor toothbrush cower and hide from his counterpart in the cabinet. It chases him. It corners him. It abuses him. Sometimes he’s locked bristle to bristle and I KNOW that makes him uncomfortable. Poor fellow. In the grand scheme of things being subjected to having to clean vacuum parts isn’t so bad, is it?
I like profound things as much as the next idiot. The subconscious is ovumrated. And for the record, sperm cells are nasty little buggers; always practicing self-flagellation.
… I personally doubt that I’ll be able to keep this up for much longer. I lack follow-
More missives from the mind of Minolta (do they still exist? Can I be sued for that???) I’ll leave this up here until legal gets back to me with their $0.02…
Someone told me I should do this. She is fan of yoga – blame her.
Once again, I apologize in advance for making you cringe while I laugh. Funny how things don’t work so well for you when the shoo is on the other hoof!
Sorry to annoy, frustrate or offend. This was something that I had to get off my chest so I did it. If you like it – great! If you don’t – look away.
Fatalistic Yoga is an expression of that part of my brain that I just can’t make SHUT UP! It wakes me up in the morning with unusual thoughts. It talks right over the top of all of the stuff you and other people say to me all day. It is the reason I carry small notebooks with me at all times (to write down its tiniest musings). It puts me to bed at night and fills my head with crazy dreams. It wakes me up in the middle of the night with far-fetched ideas that need to see pen touch paper before morning.
BEHOLD
My son had no idea what was going on… he just found it amusing that daddy ALSO likes to play with action figures (though he is still puzzled as to why “Steven and Aubrey” (the red and yellow guys that used to be part of the Power Rangers Universe (if such a thing exists)) always try to sell people horrible tasting muffins and cookies.
incidental artwork by Timothy John of Adelaide, Australia. He’s a deeply passionate and dedicated artist and would be frustrated as heck to know that his works were implicated in anything this low-class. Sorry Tim.
To The Spanner Born 