Dear Tracy,
I’m sorry that you high-handed me at the shopping mall while you were walking with all of your friends last Saturday. I want you to know that I’m a much more mature person than you are and that I have added you to my nightly prayers.
NOT one of mine! (I wish!)
File under Kelley and Sheats!
This is what the images should have looked like from my post “I feel a palindrome coming on…”
… sail on Olias!
I used this on a friend on a video-call… it had exactly this effect.
Standing in line to wait for my son at school; this came to me!
I have to say – the last time I tried to IMPLANT something into my HEAD it wasn’t advised. And I’m 100% sure that it voids your warranty.
Mea Culpa: I get bored. Things are clicking along nicely and then I think “what if I start to lace my shoes from the top to the bottom instead of the bottom to the top? (Of course – you can’t get your feet in and out as easily! But it will look strange and cool! And isn’t THAT really what you want? To be strange and cool?) [Warm and familiar???]
I removed “the Jerk” from the header. Partly because I don’t always like to depict myself as a Jerk (but that movie STILL has a huge imprint on me and everything I do). And partly because I wanted something original. A few months back I made a promise to myself to do as much original stuff as possible… original material – of course. Original drawings (hmmmm….well – in due time!) Original fonts! So too with the imagery – original.
I met my wife for a tea at S’Bucks. Yes – we went to a coffee shop to order tea – EVIL isn’t it? I put my phone down on the table and saw the reflection of the lights and that RGB diffusion of light from one of the bulbs.
Take a photo of an image on a phone with another phone.
…slap some primitive editing tools on the image
… move the faders back and forth like an expert (full disclosure – I am NOT an expert. I’m not even smart enough to be a novice!)
And voila! “Starlight Communion” was born. Looks weird and celestial – but it is really a reverse image of a bunch of cylindrical plexiglass tubes of varying lengths handing from the ceiling.
One of these days I’ll be smart enough to post my resume to this site so people can have a laugh (or a scream).
Hint – if you’re not sure it’s a spoonerism!
I’ve been trying a new diet for the last 10-12 days. No food until 6pm. Before that, any time I feel hungry I have a shot of espresso, a small glass of orange juice and then 500ml of water.
So far I haven’t lost any weight. (Why is that?)
As an example: last night just before I was ready to SNAP and start kicking people I had a double whopper, 4 chicken drumsticks, 4 zucchini fritters, 2 large pita breads and 4 tablespoons of hummus.
I still feel like 1/2 of a comedy duo… yeah- I know there were THREE stooges.
… make that champion of the UNIVERSE.
(the trophy says “#1 with the Universe”. I couldn’t get the spacing right or make it look cool (as if that was ever an option.))
[“In the gardens of belief. Meditate us turn the key”
(Shouldn’t that be “in the gardens of belief meditators turn the key”?)
“A Play Within A Play”
Jon and Vangelis
(how infuriating – I double checked that lyric online and found out that the “official” line is not as cool as I had always heard it when listening to the song.)]
I have been doing that thing: deep breath for 3 seconds. Hold for 3 seconds and then exhale for 3 seconds.
It actually feels really good.
Then I feel like a genuine prat for intentionally taking 9 seconds to breathe.
…or Ed’s Spa.
PART TWO – the REmix:
Here’s the original
And now – once again – with a custom font designed to enhance the ambigramishness of it all. (I’m refining the fonts all the time (when I have the time and the motivation on the same time and in the same place… which is rare when the Minions are running around the house.))
I don’t know what kind of treatments they offer at “edsspa” but I’m sure they are lovely.
Greetings from Chester! He’s the skeleton I keep in my closet. It COMPLETELY freaks out anyone that comes to look at the electrical box or phone lines. And that’s why I keep him there.
oh – he’s also the source of all my ‘Dark Powers’… I really wish they were useful for something OTHER THAN knowing that there is ice cream in the freezer.
(Sorry – still no cartoons … well I have about 40 in reserve but they are heinous. Like – they make me question how I can be a husband, father, philanthropist and humanist …)
So – we are down to words
As the tag line states none are facts. The universe itself is temporary. All things in it are temporary. A priori thought is only temporarily eternal (the concept of the form of a perfect square can only last as long as the person thinking it).
Anyone selling facts is a fraud and needs to be ignored or mistrusted.
Do it. Don’t do it. Like it. Don’t like it. Right now is not the same as tomorrow or yesterday.
The things that make me laugh are varied but all linked by the connective tissues of irony and/or plausibility/implausibility.
Could this happen?
If it can happen – how humiliating would it be for everyone I know to see it happen to me?
If it isn’t likely to happen is the pay-off (the humiliation factor) so great that it is worth pushing the envelop of statistical probability to try to reach the point where it IS likely to happen?
Is it ironic?
If it happened in front of people would they instinctively think that I deserve this kind of humiliation?
If it didn’t happen in front of people, would the think it so humiliating that they would either be willing to believe it happened because it would please them or at least pitch it up against my track record of humiliating myself publicly to think “…yeah – he really did do that…”?
I guess what I’m saying is that the thing that makes me laugh is humiliating myself. That explains a lot about the past 40 years.
I saw this and had a giggle.
I agree in principle – but the reality feels so very different.
I love instagram – I get come ons for all kinds of crap. Most of it I buy if I think I can get it delivered quickly.
The iPhone apps I’m always dubious about. There is one app that says that it will tell you exactly how many miles to walk to get to your optimal weight… isn’t there a formula that will tell you that at a certain age/weight/height you need to walk X number of miles to burn Y number of calories and that it needs to net to something like 500 calories a day to equate to one pound per week…???
Anyway – I never by those apps. Partly because I’m a notorious know-it-all. Partly because I’m a cheapskate. And I partly don’t buy those apps because I’m afraid that when I plug in all my particulars it will tell me that I just need to give-up and let nature take its course (which is a polite way of saying “people will throw enough stuff at me so I retire back to my cave and make more of these stupid comics!)
I need a standing ovation!
I remember my first week of school… we had a pep rally where we were encouraged to shout out what we were feeling. Then we were encouraged to stand-up and shout “I NEED A STANDING OVATION!”
30 years later I still need a standing ovation. Sometimes I need a standing ovation “in the face… with a folding chair”.
If you know me. If you’ve looked at 2 or 3 of these you will know that I’m an idiot. I really have no sense of self-preservation.
I got it into my head that the reason I am so grossly overweight is because my gut organisms are not functioning correctly. NOT because of the volume and quality of the food that I eat (sometimes the quality is quite high, but the volume is always over to the “you MUST be kidding me?” Side of the scale). So I decided to ‘feed my gut’ I did zero fasting (‘feed’) took a bunch of apple cider vinegar pills every day and doubled-down on probiotics.
My mood DID improve.
My weight improved too! It improved by +30 pounds!!!
Double-header for today.
Poor snakes. Does anyone (normal) really like them? We just celebrated St. Patrick’s Day – St Patrick was the Irish (he was actually Italian – look it up) Saint who allegedly drove all the snakes out of Ireland. We know that didn’t actually happen because the last time I was in Ireland I wasn’t overrun up to my ears in rats and mice!
As far as yoga goes (btw, I should probably clear this up now: I don’t practice yoga – I came close but never actually did it) snakes are a great archetype: they are lean and flexible and they have great breathing… not having any limbs or opposable digits makes them deficient for enough things that they can take some solace at being superlative for most yoga postures.
…what if they were good at other things? What if they could program/hack computers? What if they hacked into all those new-wave ‘breathing’ and mindfulness apps??? WHAT IF their grand plan was to empty our wallets AND our lungs and then crush us? Patrick – you may have been on to something after all!
“T’is you, t’is you must go and I must bide.”
Come back soon! I won’t post anything until tomorrow but I really like watching my click-count go up! 😉
Someone told me I should do this. She is fan of yoga – blame her.
To The Spanner Born 